The Cunning-linguist

A tale of two people

2006-06-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

During grocery shopping at Coles Supermarket at the payment counter/queue, i have this habit of looking at the cashier's name tag. Its because they always greet you "hello how are you?" and you can't help but wonder at his/her name. So you look at the name tag. Another way of knowing your cashier's name is by looking at the machine screen, u know the small screen showing your items cashing out..and it shows "HELLO MY NAME IS XXX"

" ah...Jenny looks tired"
" how old is this Henry?? 12?"
"!XOBILE"

SOMETIMES if you're lucky, you get to see some unique names.
For example, PHUCK.
I was like..Hmmmm...
"You know i was in the bathroom with my towel and my brother came in and i was like OWW PHUUUCK..."

But one fateful week, it got interesting. I met a DOGOL. You know he looked African and all, maybe Australian-Native race. I got back home and told my mate "heymanyouknowwatisawthisguynamedDOGOLmanwasthatfunnyorwhat"

A few days later, i was queueing up with a fren and i saw DOGOL at the cashier.

OR WAS IT?????

I looked at the tag and it says GOLGOL. And the fella looked EXACTLY like DOGOL, curly hair and height and all.

I couldn't take the suspense anymore. So i asked him " hey man do you have like a twin brother working here?"
GOLGOL: yeah that's my ELDER brother
Me: that what i thought mate you both looked exactly like each other.

So my friend and i ...went on to to wonder if he had any other siblings and what their names would be. SMEAGOL. SAMDOL. WAKDOL. Any ideas?

Back from the dead!

2006-06-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

Yes.

i am back.

i am back to write abt emo crap, pamela anderson's old playboy bunny career, NASDAQ stock prices, SHIN RAM YUM noodles being the best next to Singapore's Maggi Curry, Sesame Street 's Ernie and Bert's supposed gay relationship, PETA's campaigns, debates on whether Ghana's goalie's surname is Kingson or Kingston, cigarettes and nicorettes, sambal tumis udang, nasi goreng kangkang, kopishop urban legends, mat-rep and minahs, ahbengs and ahlians, anjedis and anjechis, Megan Martinez's nipples,the scientific breakdown of why laxatives make u shit, the Dupont chemical giant, porn bloopers, crackwhores, cheech and chong, chopsuey and kungfu.

hmmm..

then again, maybe some other time.

Since there is a certain relief on my part i shall start life anew.

FRom the Blast Door!

angst ridden uncle

2006-01-16T16:22:00.000+08:00

i was having a viceroy menthol under the block when an 50 yr old gaunt uncle came to me and asked for the time.

' 4 oclock uncle'

' cheebye now i got nothing to do cannot find job.'

what the fuck?

' this garment ah do nothing for us people here. When ''SOMEBODY became a certain political position'',EVERYTHING INCREASE!"

ok. I knew where this was heading. Anti government sentiments. He was looking around lest there were people listening to his remarks. It started with him not getting jobs because he was old, bad things about ministers and picked by foreign workers to fight in kopitiam.

It may seem all bullshitty and uncle-uncle talk cock to some, but there was turh behind it all. Being old and not getting jobs, getting retrenched ( he was from the airport SAT), SIngapore facing a bad time now...all is reality in our small island we call home.

I had to cut short his discussion as i had to fix the fluorescent light in the room.

augh!

2006-01-16T14:07:00.000+08:00

augh! I missed THE TUXEDO last night. i spent two weeks chuckling on the trailers on tv just to NOT WATCH it. Anyways, i think my mum has the dvd straying somewhere around the house. Yes me and my mum are Jackie Chan fans. Yeah and a lil of JAMES BROWN.

"fellas i'm ready to get up and do mah thing. I wanna get into it u know..like a like a sex machine man..MOVINn..doin it cha know? I'm gonna count it all..ONE TWO THREE..GET UP-AH! GET ON UP-PAH! GET UP-PAH GET ON UP-PAH! GEt on the scene lika sex machine! YEEAOW!!! HEEYRRR!!"

I outta put his picture out but he ain't a good looking fella.

what the..

2006-01-15T07:34:00.000+08:00

ok here i am at 735 in the morning, tinkering on my laptop because suddenly i can't sleep no more.

The headache is still there and the sudden binging of ciggies resulted in my nasal system shutting down. so yes i asked my domestic helper to make me coffee. AS i have been trying to cut down on the tobacco these days due to the some sort of epiphany during my wake-up-at-2pm-meet-gf-at-6pm-and-sleep-by-4am-timetable, sudden insurgence of nicotine n tar into my system apparently activated my mucus membranes, hence giving me a runny nose early on this Sunday morning. Plus, it comes with another headache not somewhat different from the one i had after a hefty continous flow of drinks n a closing shot of something really burning during the last weekend of a fren's birthday at LOOF/MOMO, all from 10pm t0 4am.

Last night me and couple of buddies went to an old fren's birthday themed Angels and Devils at Tanjong Pagar. Couples which went up the lift to the floor was either girl-girl or boy-boy.

Hmmm...this is weird.

And to top it up i met an old jc gal friend who was driving on the OTHER side of the road.

HMM..

Not to mention that the 4th floor lift lobby was open to a sight of the MEN'S TOILET of the pub on that floor and has a FULL PANORAMIC VIEW of MEN peeing. SURELY this is the ultimate men's voyeurism. I can imagine these queer people masturbating while watching others peeing.

i was like what the fuck? did we go the correct party !?

Apparently, that floor had a gay club on it. And apparently a close friend and girl pal of ours( he is a guy and a dear friend of mine) became like...totally excited and pulled Kyraa to the door of the gay club exclaiming
"HEY COME ON I WANNA PARTY WITH THE BOYS!" Man. THe party was jumping when we left for FUllerton. A couple of my buddies came when we were leaving and in the end i got HATE-SMSES because i left when they came. I actually didn't wanna leave just yet but i guess my fren's liason was waiting for us at midnight.

Trying to be a Corleone.

And i look GAY..

After that at ONE at Fullerton, we were in view of lesbians kissing. So M was pissed off that he saw guys kissing at the lift lobby of the tanjong pagar building and girls kissing at ONE, so he begged me and Kyraa to kiss to give balance to the universe again. i gladly obliged.

going home

2005-11-25T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm...thats it. 5 months on Brissy gone. Just i looked back at the clock or calendar, time just flew past. I packed my bags, and i'm going home for the summer. =))) Back ot Orchard Road, Cheese prata, Ikan Pari, nasi lemak and good old pals back home and those i made in Brissy.

Checked my flight status, checked my bag, checked my attire for tomm..all good. Suddenly nobody's online anymore like last time. "eh go to Milton/ 3 monkeys for coffee?" Everyone's gone home.

hmmm

I adopted a virtual pet

2005-11-05T15:43:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Use your mouse to play with the kitty. Click on the MORE tab to use the toy to play with the kitty!

Here is my adopted virtual pet called Nanuk. I got her because of a new scheme by World Wildlife Foundation concerning the preservation of wild possums. However, kittys eat possums. The contract states that when Nanuk gets bigger, i will have to eat her and every cat eaten is a possum saved from its natural habitat. Therefore,

SAVE A POSSUM. EAT A PUSSY.

I saw the real man from Tikrit!

2005-10-15T17:47:00.000+08:00

Mr.Hussein eating Briyani.

Caught on camera!

Isn't that the dictator from TIKRIT!! the guy who made the mother of all wars!?? He's in West End!! He's oblivious to me..hmm..maybe i can call him to the side alley and get my bounty money! Let me just call the local...

Nah...its just another fellow Muslim during Iftah at the local West End mosque. May Allah bless us all in the month of Ramadhan. =)

A tribute to my special moments

2005-10-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

I still remember the days when my late dad, my brother and me would plop ourselves in front of the telly for a good old show of beat'em up. Ahh....my dad would SHOUT at those wrestlers as if they could hear him and use his shouts as power-ups for counter body slams. My mum would cut the fruits for munching and would sit herself down too. And then she would comment. "Eh..tak sakit ke?" ( ehh..isn't that painful?) or " Ah ...mampus kau" ( to the baddie.."go and die"). Whenever a newbie comes into challenge a superstar wrestler, my dad would say" LEMBIK!" (soft! or weakling!) And of course my dad's fav was THe Ultimate Warrior!

Who remembers these fellas with their even worse names? Bad News Brown? KoKo Beware? Brutus the Barber? he's a barber and he can do a bodyslam? JAke the Snake Roberts! yeah! The Iron Sheik? THe model RIck Martel? the Macho man ? OoooOYEAH!

Ahh...so far..i still watch WWF when i can. If you start watching it everyweek, i tell you its addictive as THe OC. He backstabs him, he buaysong, he partners him, he steals his woman, he wants to fight with him..and its all GOOD!

One thing my late dad has a penchant for..is the classic goodness of good guys vs baddies. He would rent tapes from the shop, and with the trailers of various B grade action movies in the beginning, he would ask me to write down the titles so he can rent them next when he returns the current ones. So this would be a renting-life cycle for him. He would as usual CHEER when CHuck Norris kills the communists, or when VanDamme does his split kick to Chong Li. And his fav...when Steven Seagal tortures the head honcho baddie..

"u killed my wife" * kick to the groin*
"u killed my son" * breaks an arm*
"u killed my dog" * breaks the other arm*
" AND U KILLED MY MOVIE CAREER!"

WHAM! My dad would punch the air.

I miss him.

Somehow i'm addicted..

2005-10-14T19:19:00.000+08:00

to yoghurt. Yes...Coles yoghurt. Coles is like NTUC supermarket over here. But coles-made stuff are quite good actually and they're pretty affordable. And they have the best prices for everything, cigarettes included.

And sometimes they have a SALE for cigarettes. Imagine what would Singaporeans do if they heard there's a rokok sale in Bedok? yeah most probably all the Jurong smokers would take the mrt and buy LOTSA ciggies in one shot huh? Suprisingly, not many aussies smoke. If u sit at an outdoor starbucks back home people would be puffing away and making the whole place fog up...but here..they don't. They just drink coffee. Even if there's an oudoor pub...people just drink. They kinda don't smoke. And some clubs here prohibit u to smoke in some of their levels. Nope..no smoking. You have to go out to the balcony or outside verandah to puff up. And nobody seems to be complaining. Hmmm maybe i'll be able to find someone who would shout "cheebye lah want to smoke also must go outside!"

It had me thinking. Is it because of the puppet masters who have been supressing Sporeans with the paper chase, social ideals, status, 5 Cs..five tvs in a home, COE, GST, ERP? Ok this ain't about smoking per se, this is about making choices. Is it because of this certain suppresion that they have become "smokers"?

I just watched the Machinist and Godfather part 2. TO me the film godfather is about family. What you would sacrifice for your loved ones. See that they live in peace. And to protect them at all costs. SO from now on..you all can call me Mike :)

SAlud!

So far been ok..

2005-10-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

I just got my reply for my air booking ticket back home. Feelings of homecoming makes me warm. "From: Brisbane To: Singapore" =)

So far been ok. People in Brisbane are frenly. Shopping here is MUCH better, not because of the stuff sold, its because ALL salespeople will go the extra mile to make your day better(save for those wanker 0.1% where they will be totally asses to you). Anywhere you go, they'll ask how you are doing for the day.

Salesperson: Helloy how are yew?
me: fine thanks how are you?
Salesperson : Not bad thanks!

In West End, where i stay, there are quite a number of homeless people. Most of them time they will bug you for a cigarette, but i guess you have other things to worry about, like Aussies who had too much to drink. The first day i came here, i was in a car and drove past this pub where a man had his pants down & his shirt up and showing himself to a girl on the street. I was like.."OK! nice welcoming sight!" But alcohol makes everybody wankers don't it mate? not to Aussies per se, alchohol makes total wankers of people back home in Singapore too. At least you don't get a whole load of arses out on the street waiting for another group of arses to fight it out ala Mohd Sultan road.

In the clubs you really have to get used to people bodypushing you a little bit. Back home, a small bodypush while dancing will cause two people to start shouting vulgarities at each other's mothers, but here its the norm. And it doesn't help 50% of the ladies here are much bigger than me. Its that..or other the guy behind you can't dance. I saw a girl dancing ( ok i might not call it dancing..its more like tapdance-frenzy) and she was all over the place man!!!! imagine a russian circus dance that goes like HOI!HOI!HOI!HOI!..and out of SYNC! i got out of that space to laugh it all off for a while.

And it IS normal to talk to people if they beside you in a store or a supermarket. Or even in bus.
Don't worry people won't look at you and say "siao".. And the bus drivers SMILE at you. They say thank you. People don't PUSH when they gather to get up on the bus. They queue up. Yeah i can remember when i wanna get up on the bus at Eunos Mrt: it was like a muay thai fight. Elbows, knees, foreheads, knuckle pinches...and that was just the old auntie beside me.

Looks like a commercial huh.

Byron Bay Lighthouse

Gold Coast waves.

TIme to eat my Arnotts!

THE Wrong Song

2005-10-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

I finally found the song i have been trying to search for so long on the net. Ares, Bitorrent, other people's servers...and eventually with my constant effort and determination...i chanced upon it on a remote user on Limewire. JUST to find out its the wrong bloody song. oh yeah in case you're wondering what song it is...it is Selamat Jalan Romeo. I got addicted to it when i watched a Malaysian Idol contestant sang it and got kicked out straightaway after that. The judge said something like " maybe this audition is for SENARIO"... nonetheless, he is still my favourite contestant.

Selamat jalan Romeo, hanya untukmu sayang..
Siapa dihatimu, oh Isabella ku.
Teringin sejati, pintu mahligai
Suci dalam debu, siapa dihatimu?

AWAS! MENGERTI! Hanya dalam gerimis!
Tiada! FIona! Bonda! siapa di hatimu?
itu hujung perindu..

Usah..pasti!
TENTU dilukai! YEAH!

I got the Ramlah Ram version. I was trying to piece the song together through these lyrics but alas..it is definitely the wrong song.

violence?

2005-09-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

Who needs faces of death when u have http://www.ogrish.com? thanks to reza " islam masuk Jin" for the site.

I saw the video of the beheading of Shohei Koda, the japanese guy who went into Iraqi territory, got captured and got his head sawed off by a parang. And it wasn't even a samurai-sword-move...no...it was SAWING action. SHIT man...that video freaked me out. Everyone who saw it freaked out. more to write later...

MEan assed bread

2005-08-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

This is what happens when u forget about a loaf of bread....for 4 weeks. It turns into a pile of mean assed green stuff.

DDAY- first week blues

2005-07-18T19:32:00.000+08:00

me and my brother. The person who saved my life when i reached Brisbane. I will forever remember his deed till the end. First day was unsuccessful. We didn't get to see any apartments that were available. We only met two brazilians( one petite lady and a tall surfer dude with long hair named Carlos) one korean guy whom we made a joke about, a sparse apartment, and a unit which looks like it belongs to korean street gangsters.

DAY 2- after dinner met faezah at her place, met us at the busstop with her and Min. Met the whole gang there, and met two very nice pple who during the next few days, saved my life again.

My regards to Hafiz and Suraya. Both drove us around with patience and told us everything in a nutshell, especially that day with all the furniture from IKEA. =)

DAY3 BBQ at the Guy's place.

Around the table, Bro, zul, hafiz, Feroz, Shiqin and Min.

Faezah, Feroz, Shiqin, Nawaz, Marcus, and Raj (all three on vacation)

Zul, Yus, Glenn, Hazelyn and Shiqin AGAIIIIN..

no this ain't where i stay. Its nearby the place where i call,West End's 8 Mile. =)

Gosh i miss this beautiful lady. No amount of idd calls, SKYPE chats and msn will ever quench this yearning i have all this while. I'll be back soon.

In BRISBANE!

2005-07-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

Well, finally i am in Brisbane. I wondered why the aircon was so strong when i went out the airport door, and it hit me when it was the morning weather. WHOA! SHIOK !! =)

ok later lah i update...lazzy to type! haha!

Other new things...

2005-07-02T11:15:00.000+08:00

I had my last date today before i leave. It wasn't a boom bang thing. Just the two of us, having quiet time. In the end, i thought our time spent together wasn't enough, and i didn't regret spending almost every single day being beside and with her. We got webcams, but I have no idea whether it made matters better or worse: by seeing each other more but I can't reach over and touch her.

Got my canon ixus from my bro too.

webcam & ixus

In her room

train ride

Sleepy!

I got a ring from Kyraa. =)

DDAY - 1

2005-07-01T04:48:00.000+08:00

Yes. This is it. One day before my departure for Brisbane, Queensland. However difficult it may seem, Kyraa has been by my side in making my preparations. She came by today in the evening to help me pack my luggage. GEttin webcams tomm. I simply feel like shit that i can't make it for her convocation on the 8th. She got extra tickets for me and my mum. She has been putting up alot of things on hold for my departure, of some which i reassure her again and again that everything is gonna be fine.

Things between us has been turbulent; it can hit me right in the face and i would be like" what the hell just happened?" BUt we got through it, and look at us. We're happy =)

I promise i'll come back to you.

ok she's gonna kill me if she sees that i posted this pic up. Anyways thats THE care bear i bought for her. =)

Shit. I broke my lock.

Brudders D and K. (seen here trying to figure out the wireless connections onmy lappy, or were they watching the porn??) Kudos to D for being there when you really need him in times of need. Anyway he's bloody free 99% of the time, so whenever i call him he WILL be at home. NOt on Friday's though. He'll be missing before ONE pm. K is leaving for Perth soon to study together with his gal. Lucky bastard.

Yep. Snapped by Kyraa in my room, this is me trying on my backpack. ALL set.

Some things

2005-06-14T00:40:00.000+08:00

Some things i still hold on to
some things i keep in my heart
after all this while
the fire has dimmed, but it never died out.
I said and did the things i did
because i believe the fire will get brighter
i somehow know the flame will rekindle
And i did the things i did.
Why?

I don't know.

Some things i know will not be heeded
Some things will fall on deaf ears
Some things i may never find out
SOme things i know they are true,
and the worst thing is I believe they are true.
But i brush them aside, i think of something else.
Why?

Because i adore you.

Some things are going to be left behind,
Some things i am taking with me.
Some things that are in your face,
some things that are in front of your eyes,
Some things recently,
some things that happened long ago.
And I know they are true.
But i brush them aside, i think of something else.
Why?

Because i love you.

First step for my departure

2005-06-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

Yup. Got my bags ready for my departure for Queensland soon, courtesy of my elder bro. Bought a Mountain Dax with capacity of 70+10 litres, and a 32 inch luggage bag. I just got an IBM R52 at the PC show a week ago too.

Mah luggage!

My mum's quite sad she can't attend my graduation ceremony on the 28th. Kyraa's sad too because i can't attend hers at NUS. Anyway mum just got back from KL trip with my whole family. She didn't buy me anything, well she didn't have to anyway. BUt what she got me was so sweet. Haha. She bought me a small teddy bear....girl and boy teddy with hearts. =)

Look at what my mum got me!

I have to get a new pair of shoes cos my Zara ones got stolen. FUCK. I also need a new pair of jeans and three more tee shirts and some new boxers. Ah yeah...and Creative speakers for 79..and a pair of specs. All in two weeks. And i have to perform on stage for Z's sister's wedding. My guitar fingers are really raw since i stopped playing when i started school. So i have to season them up for 5 days to get back the strength and endurance i once had last time. They didn't call me SLASH back then fer nuthin. =)

Vote for my teeshirt

2005-06-10T14:23:00.000+08:00

hey guys i submitted a tee shirt designed by yours truly at http://www.karmaloop.com.

Vote for my design at http://www.karmaloop.com/tshirt-browse.asp?cid=899

=) cheers!

Brudders in arms: I smell a RAT!

2005-06-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

Now i understand what it means by I SMELL A RAT. Its becos u can smell the critter a mile away.

The brudders united to catch a rat, which has been hiding in the tv cabinet. SO we got into gear, masks and rodent spray to lure the rat out. Instead of advanced techniques, we relied on our brudder intelligence fed by XBOX and kopi-o, and set up a manual trap: Make no exit, open one way, set up a container at the one exit and make the rat run inside it while spraying the other end.

The Setting Up.
Ain's legs have been blurred to protect the eyes of the readers against visual cellulite contamination..

After alot of spraying( and i mean lot...the rat must have been pinching its nose to hold its breath or something) and moving the whole cabinet out, the critter gave up and ran right inside the container! And it was a big bugger! However after a while we all grew a little affectionate to it becos of its beady eyes, short whiskers and pink cute nose.

The Big Catch. Look at that cute rat inside.

Alas, we have to do what we have to do. Kill it. But we delayed it abit becos u know, its a living thing and all. So we put it inside the cat container and put it outside for while.

After a moment, we saw that the bugger was trying to bite its way out by nibbling on the airholes of the cat container. We had no choice but to take boiling water and....pour over it. So anyhow Z took up the challenge while the rest of us look at the execution. We were gonna delay it but the rat was making the hole bigger and it started to barge thru the hole like a battering ram, its whole neck it outside now and shortly, its gonna make its escape. SO Z let it HAVE IT.

The Execution. A: boiling water B: the rat

Oh shit. the rat shrieked and squealed. It was still alive after the water has been poured but after a while it succumbed to its boiling fate. A few last gargles spurted out from its little mouth and soon, it was dead rat meat. The smell was horrible.

Now, back to XBOX!

Depression sets in

2005-05-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

Yes. Depression.

I fucked up both my feet, my heels to be exact. Before you bastards start laughing, its because i leaped from a 2nd storey window down to the concrete/tiled floor. Its not like you are hanging from a 4th level rapelling down....nah....cos you know u got your ropes to support your ass. This is like amateur Yamakasi shit. As Master Yoda says"DO or do not. There is not try".. and in that particular situation that i was in, there was no DO NOT. Once you let go of your grip of that window sill, the journey to the ground, needless to say, was silent. No sounds. Not even your breath, until you hear a thud, you roll forward, and the pain from the feet creeps in.

Good for me my army days taught me to land in a good position so i wouldn't break an arm or concuss my head. At least i just fucked my heels. Both of them. And the consequences? I missed a clubbing session with the guys. SHIT.

Brudders in arms

2005-05-26T03:51:00.000+08:00

Friday:
SO R came back from Melbourne again, with a new Motorola Razor and an Xbox (much to the envy of me and D as we are PS2 playas). Also much to our delight, he brought back a box of 50 cigarettes which we thought was a box of condoms/tampons at first.

XboX fest!

On Saturday:
I really pissed off my Kyraa so she zoomed off to eat with her pals for the night. Actually wanted to spend the evening with her but something went wrong. So i got outta the house, b4 anything like my brain, cracks. Next stop: Liquid room. It was a first full-strength gang of the brudders, complete with SD. SD is the booze meter. Once he looks like an AHPEK with red face and straining veins on his temple, its time get our asses into the club. If not, he will
a) explode
b) make friends with anybody around us, girls OR GUYS or any inanimate object
c) try to pick a fight with any inanimate object.
d) do a very good Goldberg impression, and you don't wanna see that.

Blurred, like my real vision

SD, Z, D and R all set to go

Once everybody got in, D went missing. I was like...fuck where the hell is he? Sekali member at the bar looking cool and checking out chicks lah sial. Steady. He needs to get his mind off some stuff so its good he's eyeing some ladies.
Hopped over to COCOlatte once everything is done, and after that K(he works at COCO) joined us for Devils. Apparently the next day D recorded me singing Tempted to Touch reggae version in the car. Shit. But by then i remembered SD was already snoring in the front seat. Hilarious.

A lightsaber!

2005-05-21T16:39:00.000+08:00

I met Yoda while i was walking along the road one day, and he said hi to me.

"Force, strong with you. Lightsaber, i give to you."

whoa...it was Anakin's. =)

nice?

Tried playing it in my room but i seemed to make a mess out of everything. Tomm.. Jedi training!

Revenge of the Sith!

2005-05-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

Yes. I have made history. I watched Revenge Of The Sith before the official opening. In the theater, the whole two hours or so, nobody moved. Nobody whispered, commented, sniggered, smsed, picked up their phone, coughed, sneezed, scratched their balls, felt their own tits...NO. Nobody moved. The ultimate movie experience. Everyone had their eyes peeled on the screen the whole time. When the show ended, everyone clapped. whoa.

Everybody now! Hum the Imperial March!

The Main Equation

2005-05-15T16:01:00.000+08:00

OK i pissed my gf off again. If you're reading this baby, i'm sorry.

Anyways, after some time of partying with the guys( with bud Z and A and some pals) last night, i and Z made a mindnumbing equation. This will happen after the music finishes, the club lights are switched on and everybody cools down from the HEEEEY YAAAA song:

BRIGHT LIGHTS + MUSIC STOPS+ LADIES = REALITY SETS IN

I'm sure you guys know the situation:The chick looks alright/not bad when she's gyrating to the beats of Candy Shop and looks way better if she steals glances from you. And waaaaaay better when she talks closely with you and brushes her hand with yours.

BUT when the music stops and the lights are on.....BOOM! The equation activates. You'll be like.."what the fuck...? is THAT HER???" And it will be this point of time when the denial kicks in, and the result slams you in the head: the reality sets in. Its like you need more drinks just to make her look better.

Ok if you think this happened to me last night, it didn't. It happened to a friend who was there. I was at the corner laughing.

3 brudders @ Rouge

2005-05-13T14:31:00.000+08:00

And so finally my other brudder K came into light after a long time of MIA. He asked me and Z to join him to chill and hang out with Rouge, his former workplace. I was at Kyraa's place, so Z picked us up and dropped Kyraa off somewhere to meet her sweet gal pals for MS. As usual, we had our warm-up ritual with the baron and guy talk*grunt*.

So after we went in I and Z got lost in the curtains until K came and saved us from the labyrinth. K then ordered 2 jugs of Boston something. Music was ok, more mainstream RnB. Damn..where was Tempted To Touch?

Apparently both saw something funny.

The photo that was here previously has been taken down because it made us 3 look gay.

K joined us a little later as he was doing the PR thing with his ex colleagues while me and Z enjoyed the music and our own stupid dance moves. Nothing like good company. =)

The night ended by us picking the ladies, (actually the ladies picked US up), and THEY drove us home. HAHA.

AVP!

2005-05-06T00:24:00.000+08:00

Stands for Alien Vs Predator! Watched it on Kyraa's laptop under two separate downloads. The quailty sucked but i wanted to watch it badly after i saw the shots on a Courts plasma tv. Well if you readers don't know, its a battle with the Xenomorph, the Alien and the Yautja, the Predator. I was backing up the Predator,which to me is the coolest extraterrestrial ever made on the silver screen.

The show was visually good, but the ending thoroughly disappointed me. What the fish was Paul Anderson thinking. He totally destroyed the mystery and the clandestine image of the Predator. How can he make the Predator team up with....sigh....a lady human?? And the bitch had to steal the Predator's laser cannon.

And how cool are those dreadlocks??? Maybe in their spaceship they switch on some Predator Bob Marley and share a spliff between galaxies huh?=)

Bliss with my love

2005-05-05T03:22:00.000+08:00

I haven't been typing since my Kyraa finished her exams. And ever since, it has been bliss. At-Home lunches,(she cooked for me Black Pepper Roast Chicken; she knows i lurrrrrve black pepper on meats) basking in the sun, quiet dinners, fav-sitcom-watching, small talks and big laughter.

yeeeeehaaaa!

She would beat me on my hand if I ever talk about where i'll be heading in less than 2 months, so most of the time I would veer away from the topic and make her laugh. All the attention is on me and i am LOOOOOOVING IT!

Spotted!

2005-05-05T03:06:00.000+08:00

I was walking around a certain eastern side shopping mall while my Kyraa was teaching tuition. The atrium was having a shoe sale, and it caught me by surprise that the brand was:

YES you read right. WANK.

I showed this to Kyraa and she said" no lahhh, the brand is called SWANK but somebody stole the 'S'." Pretty nice huh. If those aunties buy it, what would they reply to their auntie friends if they asked her?

" eh Mdm Tan! waaah...so nice your shoes...which shop u buy from?"
" oh tank you.....bought it at a sale. The shoe is called WANK"

Or let's say your feet hurt and you suddenly thought about how comfortable those Wank shoes feel, and you JUST have to buy it again.

"my god, i need a WANK!"

This slogan should make Charles & Keith a run for their money.
"it feels good, but not as good as a WANK"

Raq met Sheila on 7

2005-05-05T02:58:00.000+08:00

My good friend R in Melbourne's- supposedly indo-licious club apparently met Sheila On 7's singer Duta. R was just standing around when his friend beckoned to him and asked him
"you know where the singer is?"
"no..why?"
" he was right beside you.."

So R turned around and there HE was! My brudder got a camera and took snapshot of themselves:

Guess who is who? Duta? Raq?

Desperate Drifter

2005-05-01T19:09:00.000+08:00

A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for years and is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only other living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he's had enough and decides that between the two, it has to be the pig. But when he approaches the pig, the dog bites the mans arse. This continues for several days, and the man is getting extremely frustrated.

However one morning his luck changes : out to sea, he notices a beautiful young woman on the point of drowning. He swims out, and drags her onto the beach, and gives her the kiss of life. The woman comes too, and is very grateful.

"Thank you so much," she says, "I will do anything for you, and I mean absolutely anything." The man cant believe his luck and says, "You wouldnt mind taking that fucking dog for a walk, would you."

Check it ooout..new look..

2005-05-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hello readers, so how's the new look>? i think it will cock up in a higher or other resolution, but looks ok on my pc. The banner pic was taken from, shit i forgot, someplace, and remade into the header.

The template is taken up a bit from wurh.com. Go check her blog and her out.

A moment of peace

2005-05-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

Guess where?

OK the pic above seems like its from somewhere from Gobi desert or something right? Well, its taken in a cab along the highway to Pasir Ris, taken on my camera phone.

My other brudder is pissed

2005-05-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

AB & ABC time.

D came into the car and kept silent. Maybe he's stressed over his papers tomm. OK we'll give him that.
"D why you quiet?" Then..he bursts.

Don wanna talk to you lah, everything i say also you publish in your blog! You said it won't be an online diary but u keep typing about daily happening and shit. Then you put up my face in the blog and type down every bloody thing.

OK, i understand he is pissed about me invading his privacy. He kept showing me the finger or faced away when i was about to take his moody pic and publish it here for all to see. Ok i respect his decision to remain anonymous to the readers of The Cunninglinguist. I understand he is a shy person and he needs to move away from public eye.

Shit, what the hell, here was how he looked like at the coffeeshop.

D was unaware his pic was snapped....by the other brudder.

The last day of school..

2005-04-27T02:08:00.000+08:00

Looks cool huh? But its just Linda snapping one while we exit the gents'.

3 years really passed me by. Before i can simmer in it, school ends. I'm heading off somewhere in July but i'd rather not think about it for now. I'm just gonna bask in the company of my lovely Kyraa, close friendships and family. Here are a few snapshots. Click on the thumbs to view.

For more information on my last day, jump over to Fahmy's blog. The whole story is there. And also got voting who more handsome or cuter. Me or Fahmy. Vote noW!

New Item! Radio Blog!

2005-04-26T03:42:00.000+08:00

Alright readers, i have put up a radio blog on The Cunninglinguist. Thanks to Johnson for his help. His blog can be found at the links section. Read his stuff, they're deep AND funny.

Click on the link that can be found under the Author profile. A pop up will POP UP, select track, enjoy!

My brudder is pissed

2005-04-25T01:26:00.000+08:00

My brudder, whom by now reads my blog everyday but asks me to make him anonymous ( hence the name Z but u can find out his real name anyway from my previous posts) was pretty pissed off about his job interview he had that particular morning.

I, D and Z went over to another coffeeshop which has a non-english speaking auntie as the on-duty drink waitress. She was wearing a tee with the words, Juicy Girl. How nice.

Anyways, my brudder was telling us on how he went for an airline steward position. He claimed that the room was full of handsome and eloquent buggers, but only those who had a degree were chosen. And those people were ugly. He saw a fellow interviewee looking pissed and asked him:

Z :" eh Viknesh...you angry ah u never get in?"

Viknesh: " i am not angry i never get in. I am angry because THEY got in", they referring to well...people whom i MAY call kental buah pleh. Maybe the airline would like to portray a more ASIAN image. What the fuck how ASIAN can you get?

Z explaining the ugly truth of his interview..

..and giving his best smile for the camera! How dashing!

Side-tracking for while, amidst the tension of the revelation, Z created a new word which can be put in the Overheard! post. His new word? "Disappointingment"

"it was just a disappointingment..."

Mind you, Z teaches English and Malay in a certain secondary school. And he is as charming and witty, if not more, than a whole room of chatty pretty faces. Z was pissed because he wasted his time. If the airline wanted DEGREE holders, they should have just stated it in the papers, so other people wouldn't have wasted THEIR time and go to the interviews.

After that D was telling us he put a pick-up line he had conjured up a long time ago to good use. He saw this girl alone at the bus stop and tried his luck. He was telling us:

D: " hi, aren't u so-and-so from where-and-where?"
Girl:" err..no i am SO-and-SO"
Pause.
Me and Z: " AND THEN???"
D: nothing. i walked away.
Me and Z: "awwwwww...shit man!"

D's got my hat off to him. He NEVER do this kind of shit to girls on the street. He is extremely shy. My group ain't made up of players or anything. This is his first step into singlehood again.

Now i'm thirsty. Where's Juicy girl?

I saw Mrs Puff!

2005-04-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

Oh sorry mates, its just the sweet cleaning auntie from McDonald's..and that's Amir's hand trying to get a pic of her too.

Eye for Denise Keller: Hilarious

2005-04-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

OK i just watched Eye for a Guy 2 featuring Denise Keller. I would have to say its good entertainment! Of course there was the most (yes of course you gals agree) handsomeberg one which is Shan; the weird looking Marko, funnymen Howard and Shane and a few fakes.

And the last one practically trailing behind, sorry bro, would be James. Well, even if he was laggin in the looks department, a nice character would possibly outshine the rest and most probably get him a little further in the later episodes. WRONG! During a lighthearted question & answer game, he said something about disliking girls with big earrings.... Denise was wearing them. How can you say that on a first date man!? Ok that was that. He made a stupid mistake. So he went over to apologise soon about the idiotic remark. He said SORRY ....and asked for a KISS. What the fish bro? You just dug your own grave!

There was this other guy who was cocky and stuff, tried to give a ring on a first meet for a deep impression. What you gonna ask her to marry you? Yes i would agree that rings are personal. I gave a ring to my Kyraa only when i thought the time was right...only when i thought she would be the only one. Not that i asked her to marry me laaaaaaaaa..but just wanted her to be by my side and nobody else's.

Finally, its about the guy who had the question" what's your favourite music?" and he replied" it would be DA-PAH-CHE mode." ok i pronounce it DEE-PATCH mode. Even if its somewhere there..its ok..but DA-pah-che is too much. Even the other guys were like.." what? AH...AH...APACHE?" There is no future in yo frontin!

Well, there were a few guys who were themselves, like Howard who was quite the entertainer and Shane who had humour up his sleeves. They have my vote. Really genuine guys.

I guess you have to be yourselves to impress the ladies. Be sincere but impress. Laughter is the best bet. I got Kyraa to appreciate all my corny jokes. She still laughs at them and i laugh at myself too. Denise Keller? thanks but naaaaaaah i already have mine. =)

Overheard!

2005-04-18T14:36:00.000+08:00

These remarks were overheard from various sources in public, those that make you go "huh?".

After a slight bickering about a burger with the counter guy, the manager came over and apologised,"Sorry sir, i will get your burger in the minute. He is the new."

A well dressed pretty lady exclaimed" You mean he bought it for she?"

A friend's friend talking to his girfriend in the lift over the phone," haha....no..its just a joking"

Macdonald's auntie" are you a members?"

A relative's friend, a would-be PHD holder in History "His essays..have..have no argumentation!"

A close friend" sorry, my wrong, my wrong"

A reservist Staff Sergeant giving lecture on Rules Of Engagement " if you blow up the building, it will result in cholestrol damage" (collateral)

A NS sergeant giving orders to take cover in case of enemy attack" Everyone! Take cover in the vegetarian!"

And lastly, a salesman saying"trust me! ITS WORKS!"

Why Pharrell Williams is da man

2005-04-18T12:12:00.000+08:00

1. He doesn't give a shit if he doesn't six pack abs
2. Talented since he was young
3. ALthough his music videos have loads of latino chicks, he has eyes for one girl only.
4. He wears tee shirts alot, and none of them too big for him.
5. Instead of down-to-the-navel bling blings, he only has a one big rock on his finger.
6. Has loads of money.
7. Big ideas and vision.
8. Stays close to his buddy while other rappers ditch their homies.
9. Still skateboards at 30.
10. He still looks as if he's 20.

Looking for: Nike Air Dunk High

2005-04-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

If you see this pair selling anywhere, please leave your comments here aight? thanks

Buddies and Brudders

2005-04-16T00:02:00.000+08:00

so these people makes life living a little easier. Buddies and Brudders.

Fahmi, Fatjoe Farhan and Amir Black. So now you all know why he gets left behind 50m everytime. But in this pic we waited for him.

My brudder Diq just split up with his long time girlfriend of....i dunno....since we were 19 or 20 i guess. The songs at McCafe were a little too loud ( but too good for me and Zak) for his liking, so i and Zak spent the time drinking our cino, listening to TOK's She's Hot & Mr.Vegas's Tamale in the background and irritating Raq and Diq. IN the end Raq couldn't beat us so he joined in to piss Diq off as well.

Nonetheless, after the initial laughs, we started listening to Diq seriously. He was pretty pissed off and we gave our two bucks worth amidst the loud music. It seems he doesn't wanna try anymore with the girl. Good. Never seen him happier these days.

"c*** b** lah diq, no wonder you start to answer our calls nowadays."

Raq pissed. Diq acting nonchalant. Actually somebody farted.

Zak staring at something. Most probably a chick's ass.

The mood turned solemn after a while. Diq said he was gonna fuck it and we respected his decision. So we headed back.

A lorry packed with Bagladeshi workers in the back drove past us. One of them wears a white teeshirt over his head ALA ninja.

"why the police never catch this lorry even if they speed or beat the red light?" The time was 11pm.
"dunno"
"because the police can't see them. Too dark."
Laughter.
"except for that guy in the ninja mask. Trying to get the limelight"

In the car, our conversation turned into bodybuilding, which i am beginning to get really lazy to answer Raq's questions, me having a natural flair for tennis..ahem...and trying to find single fat ladies for Diq's rebound.

Everybody now! "I like big butts and i cannot lie! You other fellas can't deny!"

I saw Johhny Depp!

2005-04-14T13:54:00.000+08:00

Oh damn..it was just Arumugam, the new waiter from AB& ABC. Sorry maties...

Jack of all trades

2005-04-14T11:55:00.000+08:00

Me( or how i would like to look like)

ME in 8 years(after i get married)

WHat i REALLY like to be( the site doesn't have Sith Lords)

Try it yourself at Stortroopers

Sometimes, Mother knows best!

2005-04-12T09:34:00.000+08:00

This post has been lifted from MAXIM Singapore April issue.

Of course, they may not speak perfect english when they are angry, but somehow, you get the point =)

Mothers taught us about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait till your father gets home!"

Mothers taught us about RECEIVING:
"You're gonna get it when we get home"

Mothers taught us to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

Mothers taught us about the LAW:(this is my personal entry)
"If you don't behave, the police will catch you!"

Mothers taught us HOW TO THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your test, you're never going to get a good job"

Mothers taught us about MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you keep making that face, its going to freeze and stay that way"

Mothers taught us about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to my age, you will understand"

Mothers taught us about HUMOUR:
"If the scissors drop and cuts all your toes, don't come running to me"

Mothers taught us about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids and they turn out to be like you, then you know what it's like"

Ahh...mothers. Hug yours today. =)

A short dinner with my luv

2005-04-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

YEAH!..got back from a short dinner with Kyraa at Banquet. We ordered carrotcake when we first stepped into the place but after that we figured we won't be able to finish it because of the food that we just bought with our famished stomachs...so...we didn't collect the carrotcake. How delinquent. Haha. We found seats far away from the carrot cake shop. Then we kept a constant lookout over our shoulders while we eat lest the auntie decides to search for us:" AHA! Found you two kids! 3 lawless!" ahem. it means dollars in auntie-speak.

Then i bought her KFC ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. She likes this kind of colorful stuff once in a while. Maybe i just like to see her eating ice cream. Anyways! We had a slow walk back to her place, all the while talking about nothing and everything. Ahh. Bliss. =)

A tennis song in D Minor

2005-04-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

SO the day started when i went over to Kyraa's place a little earlier than the guys to get the tennis court receipt. Well, that and i wanted to see her alil more and maybe scavenge her kitchen for food. GOOD! there was rice...hehe...

SO i and Kyraa had a slow walk to the tennis court and the guys came shortly after with a grand entrance worthy of world class tennis stars.

ME and Zak discussing our team strategy. I guess he found it funny.

Anyways we were up to our best tennis gear, me with another pair of shoes, of which the soles of both shoes tore out 5 mins after i ran around the court. Me and Zak teamed up with DIq and Raq on the other side. After what seemed like a long time, we break up into halftime and went for drinks.

SO the next sets of games commenced. I forgot how much we played but it was a bunch of good sets. At 5pm we retired the court to, no not next better players, but an old man who seemed as if he played in Wimbledon before. Next stop! Street soccer court! Played 3-on-3 with two other young chaps, with my lungs feeling as if they're gonna burst and raq's back breaking.

Other Mats came to join and we won 5 or 6 games in a row, YEEHA, with truly jagaing the goal. We wanted to play basketball against the young kids after that but we guessed we were entirely pooped out by then.

Next week, anyone for tennis?

welcome home my bradder!

2005-04-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

930pm. Changi Airport Terminal 2. Amitabh Bhachan lookalike is standing behind me, Zak and Diq. He was lugging around his trolley with two medium sized bags and occasionally fiddling with his number-combi lock looking as if he had forgotten the combination. Most probably he missed his flight to Chennai becos he's scratching his head since we saw him just now looking at the flight schedule tv. And the best thing was...we're in the Arrival Hall.

Anyways we're waiting for the fourth brudder and twin of Zak to come back after loafing around in Melbourne. He has been MIA for 3 months staying with his gf There(Ter-ray) who is studying in RMIT. I guess we're looking forward to welcoming him back home. Not because we miss him or anything..no..because we wanna find out how many things he "keruk' from his rich gf( i expect a whole new wardrobe) and what stuff he brought back for us. Raq if you're reading this, you know i mean well =)

And there he comes, that bastard! Clad in black blazer, Nike airforce ones, leather Guess watch and an expensive polo shirt! Great to see him again.

Diq, Raq, Zak

Raq with something on his hair, Diq and yours truly( with flared nostrils)

Headed for our normal hangout at AB & ABC for an all-expenses paid mutton steak fest courtesy of Mr.Melbourne. He brought back 4 juicy mags, so i and Diq fought to get one with better looking chicks; and a green tee with words ' trainee gynaecologist'. Ahh...he knows me too well.
He bought for us Nike Fight Cancer yellow bands so we put our hands together for a POWER UP!

brudders unite!

We four reminisced the good ol times when we just drank teh-0 and laughed at nothing. Good to see him around again but at the back of his mind, i know he still misses his love back in Melbourne. Don't worry bro. If love prevails, nothing will stand in your way.

Keep rolling rolling..

2005-04-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

Mood: pissed. Pissed because i can't roll a perfect ciggie with raw tobacco and papers. I got some free time in the lab after the presentation, so i thought what the hell. I surfed the net for info to roll the perfect ciggie with TWO hands. Got an article on how to roll with ONE hand but i guess i would maximise with what i have: two hands.

At least Jaymee Ong got me thru the hard part

I got a Powerpoint slide show with good pics to teach me how to roll. The problem with making one is the ROLLING, and they got nuts to show me that. I need an AVI video or sumthing. Kyraa got crazy and laughed non-stop when i showed her my prototypes. "haha..where's the tapered part??....hahah!", becos mine is made straight across, not with a pointed mouth-end.

I made my last two under the tutelage of the powerpoint slide (complete with roach) and gave one to Fahmy; after which he claimed he got a high out of the raw surge of nicotine, courtesy of BA AANG tobacco from Thailand.

Went to Tampines after that because my Kyraa wanted PapaRoti from tampines. Got her three and a bitter chocolate bubble tea for her sis for booking the tennis court..TWICE. And if you must know, going down to the clubhouse twice is a real favour from her. =)

Anyone for tennis?

2005-04-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

Finally, a game of TENNIS at 4-6pm at Kyraa's condominium. Met her at 115 pm at Pasir ris to fetch her from tuition. BUt ZAk came drove by and picked up to get tennis balls from Diq's house in woodlands. WHen we came down from MANGO...( i guess ladies just can't get enough of MANGO)...it was already too late to get those balls. So we went down to Banquet to eat. I was already getting psyched up by then to be a Mark Philippossis....or whoever was champion at tennis, threatening to beat them hands down at the game although the last time i played was when i was still in army.

Then it rained.

Dammit! so we went to a block of flats, acted like juvenile delinquents and had a woosh. After a while the rain subsided but we had to go to zak's house to get the racquets. From there we made our way to Kyraa's condo...and it was a bitch to walk out from JALAN PARI KIKIS just to get to a cab.

Then it rained.. again.

Dammit! So we took grabbed a cab after being in the rain for a while( lucky my Kyraa is a tough girl...getting caught in the rain and walking in her short heels, long sleeved MANGO shirt, jeans and stuff). However there were times when she grabbed my arm with a pitiful look on her face, muttering" i want to give up..i feel like giving up" and i had to shout right back at her "NO! We have come this far! i will not give up tennis just because of this bloody rain!". After Kyraa got some consoling from me and some "Go! Go! You can do it!!" from Zak, we picked Diq up from the mrt station and zoomed to the tennis court by 4.

Then, the sun came up.

Yeehaw! Following 3 hours of bad serves, missed balls, splashing on the flooded tennis court, a roll- your-perfect cigarette competition, irritating tennis-grunts by yours truly, imagining ourselves to be ROger Federer or Anna KOurnikova( and u all should know which one of us wants to be her) and Diq became gonzo the muppet after inhaling too much raw tobacco smoke , COURT 1 was finally handed over the next better players.

Kyraa went back up to her place while we the guys went back smelly, tired and hungry. What a day. Next week...anyone for tennis? =)

Yum..

2005-04-02T03:01:00.000+08:00

I had a refreshing date with Kyraa today! Yeehaw! Fetched her all the way from CLEMENTI. Man, you HAVE to give me points for that. Had dinner and wandered around Tangs to look at stuff i can't buy. Got pissed off at dinner abit because of one irritating faggot but that is besides the point. Haven't met up with her for a week, and it was really nice drinking coffee after dinner, making fun of people walking around town and talking about nothing. =)

After that met up with the guys at AB & ABC. The name of the coffeeshop still bugs me. Who are AB and ABC anyway? Compared to places like Aik Hiok kopitiam, at least you know the owner MAY be an Ah Hiok.

A Definitive Guide to Food Junction Ice Sports

2005-03-31T14:14:00.000+08:00

Welcome cunninglinguist readers! Here is a short guide to Food Junction"FJ" ice sports. This new sports are played during 1130am to 130pm , where the lunch time crowd of students come together to have a peaceful meal. However they don't know that lurking around the corner are the motley crew of ice sports playerS!

ICE STRAW SHOOTING
1. Finish up your drinks.
2. Put ice in mouth and crunch them to smaller pieces. Wipe extra drool with tissues.
3. Have a straw ready in hand. FJ-standard issued straws are best.
4. Here's the fun part: Finding the innocent target. Look around for anybody with exposed body part for maximum impact, preferably a) people with their ass cracks exposed with low slung jeans aka "tabung amal" b) girls with sphagetti straps c) people wearing shorts. d) fat people with alot of meat exposed. e) irritating AJC students or primary school children taking our lunch seats.
5. Put small ice into the straw.
6. Aim at target. Make sure your partners sitting opposite you gives you ample cover and also don't spill out the extra drool on their faces.
7. Take a breath and let out a heave of air into the straw! Give a short burst for maximum velocity.
8. Sit back and watch the target jolt in his/ her seat, look around for any invisible insect, rub their ass and continue eating.
9. Look nonchalant. After that laugh and enjoy.
10. Repeat steps 1 to 9 !

ICE BOWLING
1. Finish your drink.
2. Look for innocent target, preferably those wear shorts or skirts. The exposed lower body part is the main attraction.
3. Take a big ice cube courtesy of FJ drink stall.
4. Make sure you are sitting at the end of the bench, along the alleyway where people walk around carrying their food to the table.
5. Aim at the lower exposed body part of the target who is busy eating his/her fried char kway teow or hainanese chicken rice.
6. Swing back your throwing arm, and let go at the lower curvature of the swing similar to bowling!
7. Look at the reaction of the target, who will look at their leg, search around for invisible insect and wondering what the hell just happened.
8. Act nonchalant. After that, laugh and enjoy.
9. For more fun, aim for people who just bought their food and walking back to their tables. More points will be given to those who get to whack at the cleaner aunties/uncles standing around.
10. Repeat steps 1 to 9!

Look out for the next guide: Irritating Shopping Arcade Sales Assistants!

there's gonna be a thunderstorm

2005-03-31T12:14:00.000+08:00

A thunderstorm is brewing. I can feel it. Why.. you ask?

*drumroll*.....because Amir is wearing WHITE today man! Holy crap white! All this time we thought his wardrobe is made out of black, dark black and off- black, he came with a white polo tee. Good. At least he can be visible while walking around his Serangoon neighbourhood from 8.00 pm onwards.

And one more reason why the rain is gonna pour: Linda is wearing makeup. She claims to be wearing makeup everyday. So i reckon today she wore TWO layers of makeup.

MOrning: went for breakfast and ate hotcakes meal. My body recovering from the shock of Amin's "champion regime", so might as well eat little more. Last week i watched Travel and Discovery programme featuring Muscle Beach California about how these 5 old farts become legends of bodybuilding and how they made women look like men. Then they showed this huge guy with arms the size of my head eats 5 pancakes, a big steak and 5 egg whites..for breakfast. ONLY breakfast. He needs it to supplement his big assed muscles, i dunno, to carry bulls and elephants with his hands or something. SO! i tried a little at a time and tried with the 3 pancakes first and a hashbrown. And some bitter coffee. Ergo, probably when by the time i reach 120 kilos of muscle and 0% fat, i can eat like him. And probably be single for the rest of my life because the amount of steroids i have to take to get to 120 kilos will force me to a) become gay b) have small balls c) become a walking bowling ball.

ok so we decide to play a prank with the Macdonald's uncle cleaners this morning.

1. Finish up coffee.
2. Ask Amir to poke the bottom of the empty cup and make numerous holes.
3. Put cup on the table.
4. Pour numerous packets of creamer into the cup.
5. Go sit at another table.
6. Wait for the cleaner uncle to pick up the cup and watch his reaction as the creamer powder pours out from the bottom of the cup and make a mess on the table., leaving an ala-hourglass powder situation.
7. Guffaw and enjoy.

However, the plan didn't work because the hole got stuck by the saturation of the leftover moisture of coffee in the cup. BUT! Tommorrow is another day! *evil laughter*

a sole survivor

2005-03-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

A plane crashes in the Sahara desert. A sole survivor crawls out from the debris and looks around for any form of civilisation. He starts to wander around, hoping to find some help.

After three days, he was crawling on the sand due to dehydration, desperate for water. Suddenly he found a man standing in the middle of the desert in a large coat. Realising his chance, he crawls faster to the man lest he walks away.

The man finally reaches the odd figure in the coat and asks" sir..please, i need water.."

The smart- looking character looks at him and replies" i do not have any water with me". THen he opens one side of his coat, displaying an large assortment of ties." but would you like to be interested in buying one of my ties?"

The dying man shouts" no!! i don't want your ties! This is nonsense!"He then proceeds to find help elsewhere.

Five days passed, and the man saw a different man in a large coat standing in the middle of the desert. He crawls faster to ask the suited man for water lest he walks away.

" sir! do you have any water?"

The man in the coat replies" No i do not have any water...but would you be interested in buying one of my ties?" He then flashes open his coat, displaying a larger assortment of colorful ties.

" NO!" shouts the parched man." i don't want ANY of your ties! this is nonsense!"He then continues to find help elsewhere.

On the seventh day, miraculously he stumbled upon a big posh hotel in the middle of the desert. "At last! There must be water in that place!" By this time, he is already burnt under the sun and dying for a drop of water.

At the entrance, he meets the doorman. The wilting man croaks to the doorman"PLEASE...let me in...i need water!"

The doorman nods his head and opens the front door, unleashing a cool gust of air conditioning. However before the dying man can even take a step further, the doorman slams the large door and says" Sorry man. I can't let you inside the hotel without a tie"

shafted!

2005-03-29T14:12:00.000+08:00

A plane crashes into the Mohave desert, and a sole survivor crawls out from the debris. The man walks under the hot sun and tries to think of a way to seek help. All that he can see is sand, sparse undergrowth and scurrying lizards. Realising he is going to be one of those skeletons lying in the brown coarse sand if he doesn't hurry, he begins to get nervous and starts look around fr the nearest town. As he walks, he meets a fearsome warrior red indian, tattoed and muscled wandering around.

"excuse me, where is the nearest town?"

The red indian stands up tall and replies" YOU!...DEAD..or wakuwaku!"..and menacingly unsheathes his jagged hunting knife, pointing at the man.

The man, taken aback but perplexed at the foreign word, says" what's wakuwaku?"

The indian shouts" ME show you WAKUWAKU!", grabs him by the neck, turn him around, bends him over, pulls down his loincloth and fucks the man up his ass.

Following the hard shafting session, the indian runs off and the man is left with an aching asshole. While walking around to find help, he meets 3 warrior red indians. History repeats itself: when asked about the nearest town, the red indians gave him an ultimatum: "YOU!...DEAD..or wakuwaku!"

The man, not wanting to die yet, replies" sigh..ok..wakuwaku it is.."The 3 red indians grab him by the neck,turn him around, bend him over, pull down their loincloths and fuck their lone victim up the ass.

Following that, the indians ran off. The man, nearly doubling over from the pain, staggers about to find some form of civilisation.

After more of walking around, he stumbles upon a VILLAGE of red indians. Apprehensive, but knowing he has to take the chance, he creeps to the entrance of the village. There, the chief of the village meets him.

The man asks" please, can i have the way to the nearest civilised town??"
By this time all the warriors in the village came together and surrounded him, creating an air of hostility. The big burly indian chief, clad in feathered headgear standing with a powerful presence, bellows" YOU!...DEAD or waku waku!"

"oh shit"..The man realises that he is better off dead than being manhandled by a whole army of warriors finally replies." sigh...yes..dead"

The indian chief smirks and whispers" dead? U sure?"

The man nods." yes...sure"

The chief bellows to his fellowmen" DEAD!! DEAD!!" The other warriors stomp their feet in unison and cries out shrill indian chants. Then he holds up his hand and the men stopped their war cry. The chief looks at the man and says..."BUT FIRST...wakuwaku!"

my friends are so depressed

2005-03-29T12:24:00.000+08:00

OK ...final year project doesn't seem so bad after all. I thought attachment was great but this is much better. Smiling more these days too since get to hang out a bunch of clowns in school. Namely...............

Amir "awesome".
{ Member of my lab. His tagline is "AWESOME!". EVERY SINGLE day, he wears a black teeshirt. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Be it levi's, "Bounce you ass" or whatever, guaranteed..it WILL be black." eh amir u got no white teeshirt ah?" amir: " have but that one also i wear inside"}

Fahmi"sumtimes the voice never come out, the hair step old skool Aaron kwok"
{ Tall and lanky. OK lah handsome also. His hair must be in perfect shape if not cannot come out lab. Hongki buddy. He and Amir inseparable. One go out the other must accompany. Good guy. POpular with girls. Face act cute.}

Zai" Rozach the school inspector, not malay but mother from Indonesia, father from Batam"
{King of jokes, magic tricks and spontaneity. Know alot about food trivia. Just got to know him this semester. Lunch without him will quieter and more peaceful}

Abu 'bukan orang melayu'
{ANother king of jokes and funny stories. He and linda a couple. Always full of good ol fashion energy and noise. But he seems to know alot of ladies too.}

Linda the legung
{ Legung. Enough said. Sometimes slow to catch things we say and end up we laughing at her. Eyes big and scary. We treat her like one of the guys.}

Navin s/o Kirinaris"everytime wear earphones to listen to radio in case some Miss Vasantham Central chick gonna dedicate song to him"
{ Mr bodybuilder. Always never drink water in case his muscle never grow. Always with handphone. Always leave early to go back to lab during lunch hours, and i always ask"eh which gay you meeting?"}

Adam"dunno how he find us everyday in school becos he has no handphone, but everytime we see him we try to run away but he will catch us anyway"
{This guy got special powers. SOmehow...always manage to find us in one of the FOUR food places in school. Then the timing very zhun. ALways BEFORE we start eating. However if we see him first, we always run away from him IN his sight, so he knows we are running away. And i really mean RUN.}

Farhan"Fat Joe- it pun bisa"
{ Always finishes up what he buys for lunch, tea, dinner and in between snacks. 150 kgs in weight. And that is before lunch. RIch guy becos he travels in cabs often. If we walk around with him, he will suddenly go missing but we know he is waddling 50 m behind. So must stop and wait. He tends to bulldoze Fahmi into the wall, and thats not a pretty sight mAN!}

My daily itinery is as follows:

AM
1030 - reach school. Lab starts at 830.
1031 - irritate Melissa
1032 - go for 2 dollar breakfast at Mac.
1100 - go back lab after hoongki

PM
1200 - drink coffee and surf net. Debug codes.
1201 - irritate lab mates
1230 - lunch
100 - shoot ice at people
130 - play ice bowling at people
200 - disturb sales assistants at Shopping Arcade
212 - run away from Adam becos by now he would sure find us somehow
230 - go back lab
400 - tea break
415 - run away from Adam
430- go back lab
559 - standby to log out
600 - left lab

YEEHAW!!

matters of the phallus

2005-03-16T17:49:00.000+08:00

Its a wonder how young kids nowadays can't seem to differentiate CIRMCUMCISION and CASTRATION.

Here's a conversation that took place at 1745pm at ROsettaNet labs.

Amir:" eh...wats that word...circum...circumcision?"

And Amir is muslim. Indian muslim. Don't tell me he forgot he already did it. Or maybe he doesn't know the meaning in Yinglish laa...

Me:" shit don't tell me u don't know"

cheng cheng: whats that word ah...circum..circumstration..."

me: ...

melissa: huh? what is that?

cheng cheng: don't ask la..later u paiseh

me: huh? all adults here right?

amir: then whats with eunuchs and castration?

me: eunuchs were something like Emperor's personal helpers in old days...so they cut off everything so they won't sleep with the Emperor's wives.

Melissa: wahh..u so clever...u took history issit?

amir: then girl no need to circumcise?

me: they do.

ALL: HOW???

me:( taking a deep breath, looking around trying not to attract extra attention to myself and remembering a line from a recluse website)-" they cut whatever is hanging extra down there."

Discussion ends. Everybody goes back to work.

hoje era um dia bom

2004-12-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

today was a good day.

finished my work early. kyraa is especially close to me these days. seventh heaven. found out nathan is a bastard to his workers.the office is quieter today, becos the system got their bugs fixed and working smoothly.

left early from work to pay the shitload that i owed singtel. met up with kyraa for dinner and gelare waffles that she craved. will do anything under the sun for her. she looks gorgeous today in her halter dress. she looks gorgeous everytime anyway.

some things she mentioned made me remember about oct 13th. that fuck still had the shit nerve to ask her to go to KL for a holiday with him and his wanker pals. who the fuck does he think he is. do i have to live with this shit all my life if i am gonna spend the rest of my days with her?
some day this has to stop. it just a matter of when. takes two hands to clap. guess maybe...the other hand is clapping too...maybe just a touch.

encontrado para fora quer ainda contatá-lo verificou seu telefone quando se estava banhando "hey me chama quando você está livre" em 914 am. que? pensado estava dormindo? nós tivemos uma noite atrasada antes que como eu disse talvez o seu não que falha da foda talvez que não quer deixou para ir totalmente da corda mas de seu este movimento que faz o guy think..he tivesse ainda a esperança. assim quem tem a falha é ele?

pissed off for a while but i chose not that think about it.

back home the PC monitor became a bit darker. maybe one of the kids played with it. my comp's gonna crash n burn soon. crash n burn. been there once. it was the longest day of my life.

the holdup

2004-12-08T13:00:00.000+08:00

day 07th Dec 2004

time : 2035
supposed to meet kyraa after work; get her lenses; eat some ice cream waffles at GELARE; meet up with the guys and chill for a while. But somtimes, shit hits the fan. Seems Nathan wants somebody at deployment to stay back and release the MCC module into the server. The fact that ironically the deployment team consists of only TWO men; me and Eugene...i got the arrow since he went to ground zero to deploy the software. waited for two blooody hours. Got more pissed off becos they went off to dinner without telling me first. NOnetheless...time seems to be crawling. Got bored after finding out i ain't got no administrator rights to install any shit in this comp; so i decided to start this blog. So i fell into the blogger's trap.

kept pissing cos the temperature is a bastard and its raining outside and didn't wanna shrink becos of the air con.

My smokes getting lesser by the hour.

minutes wasted when i can be eating Butterscotch ice cream waffles and my gf's touch

need forty winks..badly

2004-12-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

time: 0300

just got back from meeting kyraa & the guys. spent a good 4 hours laughing at OP jokes and discussing our next island getaway. Feels damn good to see them again after a lull period. LIn is here in town from Australia....seems she wants to know kyraa alil better.

ate sop kambing and cheese prata at duku road. trying to keep awake so can talk to her alil before i sleep. gonna get to work at 9 tomm.